Not painting nails or skipping football training could be small signs your teenager is struggling with their mental health, an expert has said.
Whether it’s anxiety, depression or some unrevealed trauma, there are signs parents and caregivers should watch out for if they’re worried about their teenagers.
Fettle.ie Behavioural Psychologist Keelin O'Dwyer outlined what parents need to know to recognise that something is wrong, and what to do in order to help.
Not painting their nails all of a sudden
While poor hygiene is an obvious sign of mental health struggles, Ms O'Dwyer revealed sometimes the little things can be a giveaway as well. She explained: “When someone is struggling with their mental health, what you might find is they shower less, they're not cleaning their clothes, and it can be little things as well. It doesn't always have to be something that's as noticeable as someone not showering for a couple of days.
Read more: Surge in young people accessing mental health services due to pandemic and cost of living
“It could be maybe your child likes to paint their nails and now you're noticing they don't paint their nails anymore. It can be little out-of-character behaviors that can show that something is wrong.
Missing out on their football practice or meetings with friends
Another sign something might be wrong is when teenagers suddenly lose interest in their hobbies. Keelin said: “Perhaps they usually play football at the weekends, and now you notice that they're not interested in going anymore. That they have lost interest in their friends, or that you notice they're isolating.”
An example of that would be noticing they don’t hang out with their friends as much and when they are and they come home, they express feeling uncomfortable going outside because they are afraid of being judged.
Second-guessing themselves and starting to apologise all the time
Keelin said: “Perhaps you were out with them, you went to visit a family member, and they made a comment, and then afterwards, you noticed that they're ruminating and checking in, and they're like, oh, did I offend X?
"They're feeling guilty [because] they're expressing their opinions or [because of] things that they say. That can be another sign, especially around social anxiety.”
Sleep problems, changes in eating habits, and energy levels
If your teenager has problems staying asleep or falling asleep, that can also be a sign that they're struggling with their mental health.
Whether they suddenly start eating less or binge eating, that might be another sign, as is a sudden change in their energy levels.
Declining grades
“If you notice your teenager’s grades are going down, that can also be another sign that something is affecting, impacting them. That they're having that lack of focus when it comes to their schoolwork.”
Mood swings
While it’s practically normal for teenagers to have mood swings, if you find that they’re more emotionally dysregulated, more angry, more snappy, and their mood swings are more extreme and more volatile than they used to be, then that can be a sign that something is up with them, the Fettle.ie psychologist said. Be it trauma, depression, or anxiety.
Thankfully, Ms O'Dwyer gave us some psychologist-approved strategies on how parents and caregivers can approach their teenager and help.
Let them know you've noticed something is wrong
If something feels wrong, Keelin recommends noticing it back to them because sometimes they might not notice it themselves. She advised: “All you need to do is notice back to them, like, oh, I'm noticing you're second guessing yourself a lot more than usual. Is everything okay? Or, you know, what's that about? And kind of exploring it with them in a nonjudgmental way can be really helpful.”
Validate their struggles
When they open up, just acknowledge and understand what they're experiencing, validate their pain and what they're going through. Even saying something like “I understand, that sounds really tough” can be very helpful because even if you don’t have all the answers, you are offering them safe space to talk it out with you.
Educate yourself about their issues
Parents and caregivers that feel like they don’t have all the tools can find information online as there are plenty of mental health charities like SpunOut and Jigsaw. They can always talk to professionals about the situation as well.
Don't be afraid of recommending mental health professionals - or seeking advice from them
If you feel like your child needs further support, Keelin advised finding verified articles to read on the subject, maybe even printing some of them for the teenager and asking them how they would feel about talking to somebody.
Keelin added: “Just saying, oh, I found this [article], what do you think of that? Or, I've seen an article that talking to a CBT therapist really helps with anxiety, if that's something you think you might be interested in? Always having an open conversation – coming in and pointing the finger and saying, ‘you need therapy’, that's not going to help.”
If the children don’t want to speak with a mental health professional, it can be really helpful for the adults to speak to one instead, Keelin said. She added: “The therapist can give you advice and recommendations on how to approach things with your teenager and also in turn you'll have the tools to help yourself while they're struggling which will make you more effective in supporting them.”
Don't forget self-care
The therapist stressed on the importance of self-care for parents and caregivers as “you cannot pour from an empty cup – you must fill your own cup first”.
Be compassionate - towards yourself as well
Finally, it’s important to show compassion – both towards the teens and towards yourself. “You're not a trained doctor or psychologist, you won't have all the answers. We can say the wrong things as well.
"And if you do feel like you said something to your teen that maybe you shouldn't have, maybe you snapped or maybe you forced a point on them too much, you can always go back and say, I'm sorry I reacted like that, I just care and I wanna help, so please let me know how I can.”
Keelin O’Dwyer is a behavioural and coaching psychologist at Fettle Online Therapy.
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